What's your favourite chick flick?

Home alone and sober! Yeehaw! Yep, John left for his trip and I have not even been remotely tempted to go to the liquor store-And that's a fact JACK! :-) This will be the first time that I have been home alone for days and not touched liquor at all. This is so awesome I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful I feel! I have had the most awesome mind shift. I do not drink-PERIOD. And I feel excellent about it! And it's all ME....I love my new book that has taught me to simply stop drinking-period. I no longer drink-period. I feel this mind shift would work for people who feel they must give in to their junk food cravings as well. It's all YOU! You are the one buying that food-you are the one putting it into your mouth. I was the one buying the alcohol and drinking it-nobody but me. I know many people out there will say "oh, but it's a disease, oh, it's because you're not happy, oh, you can't help yourself"-you know what-that's BS. I craved pleasure-plain and simple-and got it from alcohol. And if you get your pleasure from food or drugs or whatever-and you know it's not helping your situation-or it's bad for you or that you FEEL you can't live without it-STOP NOW. That's it-just stop.

OK-I didn't start this blog to preach...LOL! But I just feel so excellent I want others to feel that way about their lives too. I will share more about my book-but right now since you were helpful with the ipod music-now I want to know what your favourite chick flick is. Can be comedy, action-whatever....Since John is away, I figure I might as well get some chick flicks in that I know he'd never want to see...soooo-I'm waiting...LOL!
Have a great week!

What's on your IPOD?

Well-first of all-what a weekend! So many comps going on, not to mention THE OLYMPIA in Vegas. Congrads to all the Aussie gals who did shows around Aus-we have some real up and comers here!
And did you catch any of the Olympia on the various webcasts? I loved watching the Fitness competitors-really amazing! So much energy and strength....I am in awe! I really enjoyed TANJI JOHNSON's routine-superb! And she just has an all around fantastic physique!

She placed second in Fitness-though I'm sure it was a close call for 1st place!

I was a bit surprised by the Figure winner, Nicole Wilkins Lee...she obviously has a very nice body, but I guess the judges just have a different look they were going for this year...
And coming in 2nd, Gina looks fabulous as always...


Anyway, on to my title....I need some new tunes for my cardio...so give me some ideas! Upbeat (obviously) funky, rap, dance type beats....I'm waiting...LOL!

Other than all of that....John is away-so I have a list of things to keep me busy (and sober!). So far so good! I found an awesome book to help keep me from ever drinking again that I will share with you once I finish-it's a bit controversial-but it is what makes the most sense to me.

Have a great week!

GOOD LUCK GIRLS!!!!

More comps going on this weekend-Hope ya'll have fun!

TASTY TUESDAY!

Tuna Caper Pasta

I threw this together last week as we got home later than expected from spending the day showing the boat-and we were both surprised at how yummy it turned out-and so simple!

I boiled up enough spinach fettuccine to serve 4, sliced up a zucchini and a tomato and sauteed that in a pan when the pasta was just about finished. I threw in a large can of tuna in spring water, and about 2 TBLS of capers. Threw in the drained pasta and tossed with a smidge of EVOO then sprinkled a super tiny amount of parmesan on top. Too Easy! You could totally leave the parmesan out-the capers add all the flavour!

Big night out...

We went to a quaint little restaurant for our combined birthday dinners last night. It was really yummy!
We started off with this super delish dish of Greek style oysters served with a cucumber yogurt and caviar.
It was beautiful!
John had a baramundi in curry sauce

and I had some baked chicken stuffed with feta, tomato & olive.

We finished it off with a shared slice of Mississippi Mud Cake (our birthday cake!)....didn't have a chance to take a pic of that because we both dug in as soon as it hit the table...LOL!
Oh-and of course...NO ALCOHOL! Not like I had any choice...hehehe

During dinner we discussed figure and bodybuilding comps over the next year. My goal right now is to do everything I can to heal this pic/shoulder ligament-and as long as that comes good by Christmas-I will do the ALL FEMALES next year. John is contemplating a comp too!

Lastly-here is a pic of some sort of lily we found after clearing out all of the haliconia. Its beautiful!


Have a fabulous weekend! Can't wait to hear the reports of the comps going on this weekend!
Cheers all!

GOOD LUCK GIRLS!!!!

To all competeing this weekend Good luck and have fun!
Reading about so many gals in final prep really gets a gal wishing she was in on it again too...LOL!
Maybe next year...who knows!
Anyway-have a great weekend-Looking forward to all of the comp pics in the coming weeks!

TASTY TUESDAY-with a SMILE!

LENTIL BALLS WITH TOMATOES AND SPINACH

1 cup lentils-red or brown-canned or cooked (I’ve used a can of berlotti beans for this recipe as well)
1.5 T olive oil
2 med zucchini-grated
1 small onion chopped
1 red chilli chopped (or a tsp of chilli flakes)
2/3 cup stale breadcrumbs
1T chopped fresh coriander (cilantro)
4 or 5 Roma tomatoes
2 cloves garlic crushed
2 cups fresh baby spinach
2 T shredded mint
2T shredded basil
2T white wine vinegar

Heat 1/3 of the oil in wok or pan. Add zucchini , onion & chilli –stir fry until onion is soft.
Mush lentils or beans with a fork. Combine with zucchini mix, breadcrumbs & coriander.
Make rounded balls with the mixture. Add ½ of remaining oil to pan. Saute’ balls ( in batches if necessary) until browned on both side. I flatten them out a tad when I flip them over. Once browned, remove from pan. Add remaining oil to pan-add tomatoes and stir-fry. Add garlic, spinach, mint, basil, and vinegar; stir-fry until spinach just wilted. Add lentil balls and stir until hot.

And for SHELLEY'S inspirational post yesterday...a smile-

IF you are an alcoholic….

What does that mean? If. I’ve had a few comments by well-meaning folks using the IF word, (like “if you think you have a problem” or “if you’re an alcoholic”) so I thought I might share a few facts of my problem which tell me I AM an alcoholic; no if’s about it.

At the age of 19, my first merry-go-round was with cocaine. I quit and re-started that for about 5 or 6 years. I managed to keep it hidden from the world because I do have a naturally muscular body. I was living with my bodybuilder boyfriend-so I worked out at the gym and ate lots of chicken.

About the end of my cocaine “phase”, I started drinking alcohol to balance out the effects of the cocaine. When I started dating my new boyfriend (now husband) I switched entirely to alcohol. I did this for a couple of reasons-one of which was the fact that alcohol is legal, cocaine is not. I could buy alcohol at any grocery store in Arizona-so it was just easier to come by. I would sometimes start drinking in the morning. I would drink through the afternoon and bring alcohol to work-I worked at a night club. I soon realized myself that I had a problem and discussed it with John and decided to quit and attend some AA meetings.

I didn’t care for the AA meetings –I only went to two. I stayed off the alcohol for about 4 or 5 months. We went on a vacation-discussed the alcohol issue and both decided that I really wasn’t an alcoholic-just was going through some rough things in my life (tired of my job, had been robbed at gunpoint, etc); just a phase. So, I started drinking again.

I drank responsibly for a while, we then moved, I got bored and would hit it earlier and earlier in the day. I got caught, I quit for another 8 or 9 months, we would discuss it come to the conclusion that I wasn’t an alcoholic-just another phase and would start again.

This happened about 5 or 6 times over a 15 year period. The last three and a half years I took it to a new level. I would hide big cups of alcohol in a couple of different spots in the house so I had easy access, whatever I was doing. I would weigh down the box of wine with bags of rice just in case John happened to check the box before I could get to the store to replace it. People who aren’t alcoholics don’t do things like that. I would tell myself I’ll quit the binging next week, or on the first of the month, or after my birthday, or while prepping for the figure comp. Sometimes I did quit for a few days-even a week. But then, for whatever reason, would give into the craving again.

When John caught me 2 weeks ago today, I knew this time was the last time no matter what; even if we didn’t stay together, though I’m grateful and thankful that we did stay together. I felt-feel-that I was ready to finally quit for good. I feel it deep inside of me. This time is definitely different where as in the past I never really told anyone else that I was an alcoholic; I would just say I’m taking a break from drinking. This time I’ve done heaps of research, I am reading and writing blogs about it, and attending AA meetings. I am no longer “in the closet”. I know this time is different.

I know I am an alcoholic. I know that I can never drink again or I will end up on that merry-go round again. I know this at my very core.

So, there you go!
Have a great day! I will because today I will not drink!

Feeling awesome!

Well-started off the weekend with SODA WATER FRIDAY...which doesn't have quite the ring of RED WINE FRIDAY-but that's ok-it's what we do now...LOL! Still had a nice bbq, woke up feeling just as energetic as the day before. I am truly amazed at how I am feeling-I think I've said it before-I just have this feeling of empowerment. In the past when I've quit drinking I felt more like I was the bad little girl being punished-where this time I really and truly feel a sense of strength and confidence. I know I'm only on day 14, but it really and truly feels different this time.

So, had a fabulous workout this morning-did lat pull downs for the first time in months. As many would know, I've been pampering my shoulder/pec area due to some tears in that area. So I was super careful and went super light-just did a lot of reps. Then DEAD LIFTS which I now just love! I went a bit heavier on those this week-so didn't do as many reps. Those are truly awesome for flat out heavy stuff-with lots of grunting LOL! Did some bis and tris-again going heavier than I have in recent weeks. It's all coming good.

Got a another patch culled yesterday, only one small patch to go really-as far as culling goes. Now it's a matter of doing what we can so that this haliconia doesn't grow back. It's great for lining driveways and bordering between properties-but it sucks when it's actually IN the gardens. It just takes over and chokes everything else out. So, once we get it a bit under control-we will do cuttings off of stuff that had previously been struggling-and replant.
Below is the patch we did-top one is before, second one is the piles it made and the last two are obviously the after-sparse right now-but at least we have gotten rid of the potential mosquito haven-and once we get other stuff planted-I think it will look quite nice!
HAVE A FABULOUS AND HEALTHY WEEKEND!
Today is housework and maybe some more gardening.
Today I will not drink :-)

Quote for the weekend...

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
- Thich Nhat Hanh


Have a great weekend!

Ten Days Clean and Counting...

First off-thanks again to all the Face Book birthday wishes! It was a nice day-though rather subdued. We don't usually do much for birthdays anyway-and of course this year-well, naturally was even less celebratory; however, I did get a nice spa mani/pedi done and John sent me a nice e-card and cut some flowers for me. We will go out to dinner in the next week or so for a combined birthday celebration since his birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks.

So, yes, today makes day 10 of no alcohol. Which is good, but not particularly grand in the whole scheme of things. The fact is, in the past I have gone months without drinking. For me, the true test will be when John goes out of town for a trip he's been planning for a couple of months. This will be a good chance for me to prove to myself that I have the power to resist the cravings. Over the last week I have felt a certain empowerment that I have never felt in the past when I've quit drinking. Some of which comes from the freedom of having the weight of secrecy lifted off my shoulders, some comes from the massive amount of support I have received from family, friends and strangers alike. Some comes from my renewed meditation. Some from the research I've been doing. All of this combined has really buoyed my strength and confidence as well as my conviction to never drink again.

I know I have a long ways to go. I have already felt certain "pangs" of craving...I have thoughts, but quickly observe the thoughts and over ride the thoughts with "NO, I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN." The benefit of Buddhist meditation is in learning to observe the thought even analyze it-and not simply act on it. I do believe it is what is helping me.

The other thing that is definitely helping is simply being honest with myself and others about times I did simply act on the cravings in the past. And it goes way back. When I sit and think about it-I realise I started having a problem over 20 years ago; I've been on a merry-go-round ever since...stopping for a while coming up with excuses of why I had done it and convincing myself and anyone else that it was a phase so starting again-over doing it quitting again...on and on. It is time to get off that merry-go-round for good....it just makes me dizzy! :-)

So, today is going to be a good garden session-still lots of culling to do! The shed is getting built-we just need to get a carpenter in here to work on the garage-our friend that was going to do it got a hernia so we have to find someone else-it's a real shame because he does awesome work!
So onward! Oh-and I will not drink today!

Almond Milk and My New Favourite Lift

I was in Woolies yesterday (my only other stop was fuel!), and look what I found...

I was so excited I literally gasped out loud! The woman walking by did a triple take! I then proceeded to quickly grab 4 boxes off the shelf...I was that excited! I have been on the hunt for almond milk for ages....I looked on line but that was over $9 a litre not including delivery. Here it still is not cheap at $5.99 per litre; but hey, it's cheaper than yalumba! :-)

Other than that, today I tried full on DEAD LIFTS for the first time...and I LOVE THEM!!! Thank you so much SHELLEY! She had suggested them since I have been so desperate to lift heavy but was finding it difficult due to the healing of my pec and shoulder-these are perfect! I went really light today since it was my first day of trying them. And I did them off the ground...I can't wait to do them again! Well, that's what I'm saying now-I'll let you know how I feel when I wake up tomorrow morning...LOL!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

And the Healing Begins

Ahhhhh...I have to say I feel much better than yesterday. After a very silent morning, John and I finally talked in the afternoon and both got a few things out and it really helped. By the end of the talk we were both smiling and that was really wonderful!

So, onward we march! Remembering the advice of Thich Nhat Hanh (Zen Master, Author, Human Rights Activist), to start each day, the moment you wake up, with a smile on your face no matter what-that is exactly what I did today-and it wasn't a forced smile.

I know that there will be some down times for both of us in the coming days/weeks, but I KNOW that I will never drink again and I feel really good about it. I feel it deep inside at my very core! Since "coming out" with my problem, I have done heaps of research and talked to many other people in a similar boat that have now or in the past dealt with alcohol or substance abuse and it's gratifying to know so many people have had the strength to stop for good. I know I can too-I am determined. I love my fitness and health-and I plan to keep fit and healthy for a very long time. I am more determined than ever to truly be the fit person that I have portrayed myself to be.
:-)

This morning is cardio so jog with the dog and I can already feel an awesome jog coming on! I will meditate this morning after the jog. I plan to do some work on the property since I haven't done that for over a week now. I plan to do some more reading and research-this has become part of my daily routine and is quite necessary to stay vigilant and on track. I will not drink.

Have a fabulous weekend!

WALLOWING IN SELF PITY

This is not a fun post; you’ve been forewarned.

I’ve been trying to be upbeat this whole week, but every other hour or so I can’t help but have certain thoughts pop into my mind, just like the thought that first came to my mind when I woke up this morning. That is what a loser I am to have totally shit on a person that loved and cared about me so deeply and put all of their faith and trust in me. I keep trying to just move forward, and I know he’s trying too, but every time I look at him and see the sadness, disappointment, hurt, disgust and sense of betrayal I just can’t move forward-and feel like I don’t even deserve to.

I know that he’ll get over it and move on with or without me eventually. In the mean time, I just need to suck it up and deal with it. I did this. I and only I am the one who chose to be sneaky and deceitful. I refuse to lay blame on anyone or anything else-not on boredom, not on events from the past, not on a disease. Sure there is a genetic pre-disposition-but I still have nobody to blame but myself.

I have so many thoughts in my head like why did I have to drink that last weekend, why did he have to pick up that box, why did I have to start drinking again almost 4 years ago? But none of that really matters now. I did what I did-and I can’t change that.
I know that many people support me, including John, but it can’t make that all go away.

I am moving on the best I can. I will be reading my “Big Book” (the book of AA), this weekend, and meditating, and not drinking. That is all I can do for now.

Desperate to Train Hard (& My first AA meeting!)

Well, I'll start with the meeting! I have to say, I was a tad nervous about going for several reasons. One is that though I've been telling the world about my problem, it's all been via internet and phone conversations. This was going to be face to face with real people-that's scary! Second, it's a small town and I was concerned about "what if I see them walking down the street?!"

Well, straight away I felt very comfortable; John attended with me so that took some of the pressure off. It's a really, super small group....last night there was only two other people! Both older gentlemen, but very nice and welcoming. I actually think I liked it this way better for the first time...I can't imagine walking into a room of 15 or 20 people that first night! They do get up to 7 or 8 people occasionally, it varies week to week; the guys I met last night are there every week though-and they both gave me their phone numbers if I feel the need to talk any time.

I can see how these meetings help for sure-I will be going back. One thing that has really stuck in my mind through research and the meeting is the matter of faith or a higher power. For me I am looking again at Buddhism as I have studied and practiced it off an on for years. I've talked briefly about meditation in this blog. So, I am once again going to delve into that-only really stick to it. It can only help! So that is number 7 for my plan of recovery.

Now, to the rest of my title! I mis training hard sooo much-and especially right now-I'm just not able to put my frustrations into my workout the way I'd like too. I've been pampering this damn pec/shoulder tear for months really and it's still niggling. I did attempt some super light incline presses and a bit of shoulder front and side raises (without doing anything above the head) and also some bicep curls. Still didn't get the proper pump I'm looking for-but I got more out of it than the circuit training I was trying to do. So, I'm going to ice and heat it this morning and see how she feels this arvo.

What I would love, and can't wait to get some day, is a punching bag! That is what I really want to get those frustrations out, see that's why I was drinking-I didn't have anything to punch! No, I'm totally kidding! But still what an awesome workout that would be hey! We are currently searching for a good deal on one...hopefully we'll find one soon!

Today will be my first test...I have a hair appointment and errands to run-which means I will be in town, alone. Normally-I would probably stop by the liquor store and pick up a fresh casque or box, if you will, of wine. That was my drug of choice...red wine. Today I will not be stopping for that box of wine. :-)

Cheers all! Have a fabulous day! And thank you again for all of the support-it means more than you will ever know!

THANK YOU

I am so overwhelmed by and thankful for the wonderful comments and messages I have received, I can’t even begin to know how to thank you all. The support is appreciated beyond words. I have tried to leave individual notes to people, but got a bit bogged down, so I apologize if I did not say a personal thank you and want you each to know how very special each comment has been.

I must say, I have been in tears through much of today as every new comment I read hits home each time.

All I can do now is stay true and stay clean-and hope to someday help someone else in need.

As the days and months go by, I will try talk about the why and how. The reason for this is again, to try to help someone else who is either going through this or who may think they know someone going through it but are not sure. The fact is, I was a closet alcoholic; to me this may be the worst kind because of the whole aspect of deception involved. To sneak and hide alcohol and lie and put on a façade-those are the hardest types for others to find out about; and also the hardest for others to believe are even alcoholics. But most of all, it’s the hardest type of alcoholic to trust again.

I will talk about all of that more in the future; for now all I can say I have not had a drink today, and tonight is my first AA meeting that John will be attending with me.

Again, thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH….

Hi, my name is Raechelle and I am an alcoholic.

Well-I probably lost at least ½ of my followers with that statement. But that is ok. It was damn hard and I did it-and am pretty much in tears, again-as I write it. But it’s out there-and it’s who I am.

Yes, readers-I am an alcoholic and I have been for many years. I have struggled with this addiction on and off for 15 years. Have almost broke up with John many times over that 15 year period because of it-and may still break up….that is another issue-there are many factors involved here..

The fact is it all came to a head Monday-he found that I had been hiding it from him for almost 4 years now. I needed that. I’m actually glad that it happened.

I have lied to myself, I have lied to him, and I have been lying to everyone-including blogland-by keeping this secret. Many would say I’m a complete hypocrite for writing a fitness blog, telling other people about how to be fit, I think I’ve even written a blog about the evils of alcohol! But-I have been in complete denial to myself; convinced that the next corner will be the last one to pass and I then will quit.

Why am I writing this today?
Why am I putting myself out there on the line?
Two reasons, one is a step in recovery is admitting the problem and I’ve been admitting it to myself, to John, to friends and family back home-but feel the need to put it here as well-to be honest and apologize.
As well as admission, I’m looking into getting help-and well-maybe someone out there has been in this situation-or is going through this and the more doors I have open, to let people in, the more I can help myself.
Also, maybe I can help someone else to admit to themselves that they have a problem.

One thing that I have to say is that I truly am a fitness enthusiast-and because of this I think it has kept some of the common other diseases that come from alcohol abuse at bay because of my otherwise healthy lifestyle of healthy eating and regular exercise.
Having said that though, it’s possible that some of my ailments, muscle tears etc, could be due to the alcohol.

As I said above, I’m sure many will click off from this blog-and that is understandable. It’s not a fun thing to read about. This will still be a fitness blog-but with more focus now on my journey through alcohol recovery.

So-my plan of attack (I am still a Virgo-so I do have a plan!), well I’ve been doing step one; soul searching & coming to terms with admitting my problem to myself and others. I have quit a number of times over the years-but never really THOUGHT I had a problem-so never really admitted to a problem-and therefore never sought out help.
2-research, research, research…I am learning as much as I can about the disease this time and the various programs available.
3-I will start to attend AA meetings this week-my first one is tonight.
4-I will go to my GP and tell her that I am an alcoholic and that I want whatever tests she feels necessary to see if I have done any unseen damage. I have had liver tests-even one earlier this year, which came out perfectly fine-and I think they would have seen something then-if it’s out of whack-it’s out of whack-right? But John thinks if I tell the GP about my addiction they may look at something else. So-I will do that.
5. I will continue to eat healthy and workout-that will not change.
6. I will not drink today.
That is it so far.

If you are still reading this-I hope you continue to follow-who knows maybe you know someone that is having this problem-and maybe eventually I can help them. Right now this is my journey to recovery.
If you click off fine-but please don’t leave any nasty comments-I will just delete them anyway.
Feel free to ask any questions, I’m pretty much an open book now; but again, please be nice.